Artist Russ Esse decided to throw cost considerations out the window, employing sterling silver and Swarovski crystal in the making of a tiny pottery coffin, replete with a basket of clay sunflower seeds for “that special departed Hamster or mouse that has given you joy” to “feed your pet on his journey to the afterworld.”

Apparently, seller ebanners feels that much of its marketability comes from its documented history as the butt-end of a Jay Leno joke, and offers written proof that it was part of a comedy bit. Even though the hamster coffin has previously toured the weird eBay sites, I think that this item is quirky enough to warrant interest all on its own.

The coffin comes at a buy it now price of $17,950, but be warned – it “will not fit large rats guinea pigs or broken Zhu Zhu hamsters.”

Visit the hamster coffin auction.

I guess this was inevitable. In the culture of eBay, few things feel our grief, our longing or our faithful yearnings the way that our toasters do.

Welcome to the newest rash of oddball Michael Jackson-related auctions: portraits of the King of Pop on burned bread.

Pictured here is, obviously, a toast-ly apparition of the  “Thriller” cover.

This MJ on toast must be intentional.

He’s moonwalking on this one. It’s rough, but yes, I can see it.

I can’t figure this one out at all.

Chances are good that there are more of these listings being created daily.

If you’re looking for MJ-related auctions, Ebay has created its own Michael Jackson tribute page.
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Now playing: Michael Jackson – Black or White
via FoxyTunes

How do folks capitalize on the death of Michael Jackson on eBay? Let us count the ways.

If you run an underground cloning facility, you may be interested in the DNA strand of auctions that include a piece of MJ’s hair.

Artists that few, or possibly no one has heard of are busy asking for big bucks if they happened to dash off an image of Jackson. After all, you’d like to drop 50 grand on a “surrealist” oil painting of the 1980s-era MJ by someone calling themselves “artist,” wouldn’t you? How about if they throw in another painting called “Light House at Valcour Island in Plattsburgh Adirondack” with it? Or what about a portrait of the many faces of MJ in fabric, by “huge fan/artist Angela Chambers.” She also intends to let it go for a $50K minimum bid. An Israeli artist morphed her face with Jackson’s in a broken nose portrait that she’s asking $12,000 for.

On the other hand, while I’m not sure who Vinzent Massi is, this 3-foot tall Michael Jackson marionette looks kind of cool.

Since any jackoff can buy a domain name for pocket change and resell it to the highest bidder, just about every jackoff that knows this has purchased a Michael Jackson-related name and put it on eBay. For a minimum $2 million bid one Californian would like to sell you the macabre domain name michaeljacksondied.com. While a slightly more imaginative seller from Bowling Green, Ohio has every variation on michaeljacksonwalksthemoon.com.  And that barely scratches the surface when it comes to potential web site addresses, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of others.Despite the fact that the seller is admittedly unsure that his car is the real deal, several people are bidding on a 1971 Cadillac Fleetwood that ostensibly belonged to the Jackson family when the boys were kids.

If you’re lonely for Michael Jackson and wish you could have a two-dimensional reminder of him around your house like a perpetual party guest, you can bid $750,000 on a life-sized cardboard standup of him from the “Bad” era.

While I’m not walking around with a spare $300,000 these days, I am a bit partial to this candid photo, given as a gift to a fan by one of MJ’s tour bus drivers. If you ever want to find out if a musician is a decent person or a spoiled tyrant, there’s a good chance that their tour bus driver has a strong idea.

There’s also a cute story in an auction for a photo MJ signed for Frank Gorshin, The Riddler on the Batman TV series, and longtime Vegas showman. Apparently he helped school Jackson and his family in many Vegas stage tricks in the early 1970s, and MJ called him a few times to say thanks. More details are promised to the winning bidder.

Seller citbit336 is certain that she has written the first lyrics written in memory of Michael Jackson, that’s anyone has put up for sale on eBay, anyway. All she will share is the title — “Farewell King,” but she’s willing to reveal the rest to you for a minimum $50K bid. If you can’t go for that, she’s got lots of Mary Kay products you might like.

Naturally,  MJ-inspired fashions are popping up for sale. Like these adjustable belts. And a buttload of Beat It, Thriller and concert tour jackets.

There are a smattering of things that the gloved one actually wore. Since hats were long one of Jackson’s essential dance props, there are several bearing his official stamp for sale. Seller jackmsell has a signed Michael Jackson fedora, along with additional auctions for an autographed tour program and “other toys.” An undisclosed percentage of the proceeds will apparently go to the American Heart Association. A more audacious seller is asking $500,000 for a “Billie Jean hat” thrown from the stage during the 1984 “Victory” tour. Don’t care for hats? Try this $40K brooch.

Remember when Jackson’s hair caught on fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial? Commemorate those days with your own rare Hebrew Pepsi can. The starting bid is only $6,000!

Speaking of oddities, there’s also this 1984 Michael Jackson for President pin.

Phew! That’s all I can handle today.  If you’d like to further haunt yourself, try listening to these  a capella MJ songs.

UPDATE: Ebay has created its own Michael Jackson tribute page, another good starting point if you’re looking for MJ-related auctions.

But this listing says a thousand things in a single line and a picture of two prosthetic limbs, lying on a couch: “I need to sell my late husband’s right arm and leg to pay outstanding medical and funeral expenses.”

Visit right arm and right leg for sale.