While two presidential candidates slug it out for these last few days before the election, eBay’s coolhandbart74_74 claims that he already has the know-how to clean up our energy and reduce our dependence on foreign oil. All you need to do is buy his 8.5 ounce bar of million dollar-bill shaped hard-milled soap for a minimum of $2 million, and he can get started!
Basically, Bart wants to sell his soap for a lot of money so he can run a self-proliferating lottery for hybrid cars and solar panels. To woo potential buyers, he uses the art of persuasion via his prolific use of capital letters and exclamation points. Here is some of his plea, presented without editing:
“DEAR MILLIONAIRES & BILLIONAIRES, I FEEL THAT OUR GENERATION HAS DONE MORE THAN ITS PART IN CREATING THIS ENERGY CRISIS, WHICH CAN NO LONGER BE IGNORED ! WE AS AMERICANS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY NOT ONLY TO LOOK AT THE PRESENT, BUT WE MUST THINK OF THE FUTURE . THE FUTURE IN WHICH OUR DESCENDANTS WILL ALSO NEED ENERGY, BUT THE ENERGY THEY USE MUST BE A CLEAN ENERGY . THIS ENERGY WILL BE CLEAN BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE !”
“LETS START TAKING CARE OF THIS TERRIBLE ENERGY CRISIS NOW ! IF WE DO, WHEN WE THINK OF THE FUTURE WE CAN DO SO WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK, INSTEAD OF A HORRIFIC ONE ! LET US MAKE A FUTURE THAT WILL NEVER HAVE THE OPTIONS OF CREATING ANOTHER UNCLEAN, FOSSIL FUEL DEPENDENT ENERGY CRISIS !”
Visit the Soapy Symbol of Clean Energy auction.
