One of those tragic realities of modern American life is that someone like Paris Hilton and a long string of reality stars with no discernible talent can be paid enormous sums of money just for making “appearances” at trendy nightclubs.
So, why shouldn’t some random dude on eBay be able to get someone to pay him $5,000 for his “presence?”
Seller olpelambert is looking for someone with cash to burn to fly him somewhere in the U.S. to have one guaranteed attendee at your next soiree, or plant tulips for you, or, apparently give you an “honest” opinion about your choices in living room art. He’s also willing to hang around for a weekend to act like a suckup or make sarcastic comments.
He draws the line when it comes to “dirty old women trying to get their rocks off with a queer” or leaving the country. But you’re welcome to visit him in the Midwest if you want to “most likely suffer the verbal abuse” of his friends.
His qualifications are described thusly: “I mean after all, I always show up fashionably late and grace the world with my presence simply by rolling out of bed each morning so I should get paid for it anyway.”
His warranty is similarly customer-friendly: “there are absolutely NO RETURNS if you are unsatisfied with this product. If you are unsatisfied with my weekend presence, you can simply go to my (well its someone else’s number) customer satisfaction line of 1-800-Go-Away.”
